Hands up...

Roller coasters are always more fun when you can muster up the courage to ride with total abandon... hands up in the air, screaming your fool head off and laughing a really hard belly laugh. That's how I want to live my life. And lately it feels like I'm getting pretty close.

Life isn't always fun. But it does always take courage.

I don't quite know how or when I turned this latest corner. I have a peacefulness about life and changes that are happening around me that doesn't make any sense and that certainly can't be manufactured. Somehow I'm not striving after things and yet when the things I desire happen to me, I'm able to roll with it... with gratitude.

Yeah, God.

not all that important...

I've taken a little break from ye old blog lately because, quite frankly, I didn't have anything particularly important or nice to say. And mom always said, if you don't have anything nice to say... well, you know the rest. And I'm extrapolating the same principle for the "if you don't have anything important to say... " part.

And it's not as though I haven't thought witty thoughts or wondered about stuff or had good times with God. I guess I've just grown a bit weary reading blogs that aren't really saying anything. Or, perhaps even worse, are saying a lot but via the intellectual/emotional equivalent of someone writing a 13 page dissertation on the state of his or her navel. Not interested, thanks.

I love that I have friends and colleagues that are introspecting and growing and learning about themselves. I'm just not all that convinced I need to read about it on a daily basis. Same goes for the guys (and gals) sharing wittiscisms about their daily observations of home lives, the people they know, current events, etc. Partly, I wonder sometimes if people spent the amount of time they invest in their blogs actually making the changes to their lives they think and write about instead of merely thinking and writing about them, perhaps they wouldn't have so much to think and write. Just a thought.

you lookin' at ME?

Me and God had a little misunderstanding yesterday. Don't worry, we worked it all out. It was primarily about me being clueless and him being God. I got my nose all torqued out of joint because I was hanging around people who were treating their ministry more like a job and something to be tolerated or something to be checked off a To Do list than like a calling.

"HELLO!" I thought to myself... "This is kingdom stuff... it's the greatest gig on the planet! We get paid full time to care about the stuff God cares about!"

And I thought of all the people serving this place for FREE, on top of their regular work and how amazing it is that people have found something worth giving their lives for... and I wonder why people don't understand that more clearly and more often.

And then God showed up. Ouch.

Not that I was fundamentally wrong in some of my anger... some of that was righteous, and I'm sure that it grieves God from time to time when his people lose sight of the big picture. They get drawn into the drama of this temporary world and it messes with their heads. But here's the thing... all those attitudes didn't bother me for the sake of me being bothered. What would that accomplish? They bothered me because God was inviting me to DO something about it. I realized this morning that our Heavenly Father was inviting me to pray for my co-laborers... that they would be encouraged; that they would know that what they are doing counts for eternity; that they would understand that God sees their effort and is cheering them on. They don't need to be condemned... least of all by me. I mean, how screwed up am I, for cryin' out loud?! But they do need to be loved and reminded of God's eternal perspective. Because it's the only perspective that counts.

so much to do, so little time...

At any given time, I have about 12-15 books I'm reading; a dozen or so people that I'd like to check in with, see how they're doing, or to invest in; and no fewer than 6 fairly big ideas/projects that I'd like to implement or improve.

And they are all good books, good people, good projects.

Then my body decides it needs to sleep, or the people I'm already in relationship with require attention (I don't begrudge this, I promise), or my schedule is already completely maxed out.

Here's the kicker... it's not like any of these books, people, or projects wouldn't contribute to my central focus and goal in life. So it's not as if they are tangents drawing me off course. It's just I have to pace myself, spread things out, become content with what I can do effectively today and know that if the books, people and projects were meant to be they'll still be there tomorrow.

I hate that part.

shine!

I was reminded recently of this great speech by Nelson Mendela. How's your light shining lately?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

from Nelson Mandela’s May 9, 1994 inaugural speech

chick without a nest...

Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." - Luke 9:59

You and me both, brother. Ok, I'm overstating a bit, but I'm longing for a place that's just mine. Just the way I want it. Comfy. With my stuff in it. And a place for all my books... you know, where I can actually find the one I want when I go looking for it.

It's all about me, me, me. (yuck)

I've been whiney lately because I have no physical space in my life right now that's just the way I want it. My house is torn up with improvement projects, and even when it's not, I share the place with another human with very different ideas about what a comfortable space where you want to spend quality time looks like.

And in recent months at the office, I haven't really had an office to speak of, so much as I've had a temporary holding pen. Sure, it has 4 walls and a door (for which I'm grateful), but I haven't settled in because I'm told that I could be moved any minute. It has ugly, non-functional furniture and artwork that is decidedly not my style.

So what? Exactly. It bugs me to no end that this bugs me. I don't have a hard life. I have a roof over my head, a job, freedom to worship the way I choose, good friends, a clear purpose that drives my actions. And yet, while I'm waiting for Godly character to develop in me concerning this area of my life, I just want a place to hang my proverbial hat. Sigh.

eyes on the prize...

About every other minute, I resolve to eat more healthfully, have more balance in my life, to stay focused on the things that matter most.

Oh, look! There's a really great-looking treat on the table at the meeting...

Hey! Listen to this exciting new opportunity! It won't take much time to implement...

Wow, you won't believe this creative, cool outreach we just tried! You should do it, too...

And there I am, drawn to what sounds fun, looks like it'll taste great, gives me immediate satisfaction. But it doesn't last. I still long for the thing I started out pursuing before the big distraction.

What I most desire is that people who don't yet know Jesus would be introduced to him by passionate, equipped people who do know him. That's not a quick fix. There's not an event or a magic-bullet creative new outreach idea that's going to get that job done. It's going to take time and a rigorous pursuit of God's Kingdom being manifest here on earth. But, MAN! I consistently find myself drawn to what's new and " innovative" or the thing that might draw a crowd. I experience that little pang of jealousy when someone tells me about a creative outreach that I didn't think of doing.

Don't miss my point here. Creativity is important. Events serve a great purpose. Believers get their feet pointed in the direction of outward-focused living because we create pathways for them that let them know they can make a difference. I never want to stop doing that. But I also long to train and equip people to take things to the next level - being able to articulate their God story. Knowing the importance of evangelism as a way of life, not just as a fun event their church puts on. I want to see an army of worshippers who seamlessly integrate evangelism and discipleship, and who understand that to grow in Christ means to constantly be serving as he did.

God, help me rigorously focus on the things that matter most for eternity.

no profundities...

Hey, gang. No insights or commentaries in store for today. Just letting my blogger friends know I'm back in the land of the living... have been ill for the most part of the last week and haven't felt much like doing anything above the bare minimum of managing my life. When I'm sick I'm reminded of how remarkable talented I am in my ability to think about absolutely NOTHING. It really is a gift. I think it's God's way of protecting me from myself... he just completely allows me to shut off all intellectual thoughts, worries, wanderings, etc. It's a beautifully peaceful thing, and that's where I've been living for a little bit.

I would suggest you try it sometime, but then you'd have to think about what it means to try it, how to get started, etc., and then that would be antithetical to the whole exercise...